ALMOST IDIOT PROOF EFFIN BRISKET Ingredients:  1 Beef Brisket (5 – 8 Pounds) – Feeds approx. 8 ¼ Cup BBQ Dry Rub ¼ Cup Olive Oil Plenty of Effin BBQ Sauce to dip it in!  While most people probably think you need a big smoker to pull off the perfect brisket, you actually can do a respectable job with your trusty Weber kettle grill and a little patience and finesse.   If you are the proud owner of a smoker – have at it – the same principles apply.  If you have nothing more than a charcoal grill, the following steps should walk you through and get you out the other side looking like an accomplished pit boss.  If you have nothing but a gas grill, well…that is just sad.  PICKING YOUR BRISKET:   You’ll want to get a brisket with a good layer of fat on one side.  During the smoking process, this fat will melt and baste the meat, helping to keep it moist.  If you picked up a “lean cut” or trimmed brisket where the fat has been completely removed – shame on you.  Go get a new one.  This recipe calls for a 5 to 8 pound brisket, any larger and it makes it difficult to do it in your grill with indirect heat and you’ll need a larger smoker unit.  Just a heads-up… IT'S THE WOOD THAT MAKES IT GOOD:  Whether you decide to use wood chips or wood chunks it really helps if you soak them in a bucket of water 30 minutes before you plan to use them.  If you don’t, the wood flames up instead of smoking and you won’t get the optimal smoke levels that you need.  As far as what wood to use…In Effin, Texas we use Oak or Hickory exclusively.  Mesquite makes for a very acidic smoke and can really screw the pooch when it comes to the final product.  We’ve seen a hard days work around the smoker result in an end product that tasted more like a giant charcoal briquette than a brisket.  When that happens, there’s no polishing that turd…you’re stuck. PREPARING YOUR MEAT:  Remove the brisket from the fridge about 90 minutes to 2 hours before you plan to smoke it so it can warm up a bit.  The reason you do this is that a stone cold brisket is going to take much longer to cook. While the old girl is warming, trim the fat cap until it’s approximately ¼ inch thick.  It’s important that you have the fat there to self baste the meat, but you don’t want too much or it turns into a gelatinous mess. Next, take the biggest fork you have and needle the hell out of the brisket on both sides and the edges, too.  This will help with smoke penetration and also allow the oil and dry rub to penetrate and marinate the meat.  Following that, coat the entire brisket with olive oil and rub in the dry rub until it is completely covered. PREPARING YOUR FIRE:  While the meat is soaking up the dry rub, you should get the fire going.  If using a smoker, set it up for a fire between 225 to 250 degrees.  If using a kettle grill or the like, it doesn’t take many briquettes to attain this temp.   We use a chimney starter and fill it maybe half full.  When the coals are good and ready, remove the grill grate and pour the coals on one side of the grill – the brisket will go on the other side opposite of the coals.  This is the indirect heat method and it’s the only way to smoke using a grill.  Take some of the soaked wood, shake off the excess water and lay them directly on top of the hot coals, replace the grate and cover the grill.  TIME TO SMOKE:  When your grill thermometer says the temp is right (225-250), grab your brisket and place it on the grill grate FAT SIDE UP opposite the coals and cover the grill.  Make sure the vent holes in the top of the grill are wide open and over the side with the meat.    You might want to put a drip pan underneath the grill grate to catch drippings if you’re worried about that kind of stuff.  Check the temp. every hour and add new briquettes when it drops to near 225 degrees.  Add new wet wood chucks/chips when needed to keep it smoking.  After 4 hours you have achieved the necessary smoke penetration.  At this point remove the brisket and wrap it tightly in aluminum foil.  Now it’s all about sealing in the succulence of the brisket, the olive oil, the rub and smoke.  You can put it back in the grill/smoker, or take the easy way and finish it in a 225 degree preheated oven.  (I recommend the oven – having to tend to the smoker interferes with my beer drinking.)  Make sure to place the brisket in a roasting pan so if the foil springs a leak, you won’t have brisket juice all over the oven – that can really PO the wife.  This will take another 3 or 4 hours until the internal temp. reaches 175 – 180 degrees.  Remove the brisket, roasting pan and all, place on a cutting board and let her rest for 20 minutes.  Once thoroughly rested, remove the brisket from the foil and cut against the grain of the meat, spoon on a little juice, serve it up with a bottle of Effin Texas Apple Cider BBQ Sauce, along with your favorite sides and enjoy!  Congrats you have successfully pulled off the Almost Idiot Proof  Effin Brisket!   WORLD FAMOUS EFFIN PULLED PORK  Ingredients: 1 Pork Boston Shoulder Butt (6 – 8 pounds) Feeds approx. 8 3 Tablespoons Vegetable Oil 8 Tablespoons BBQ Dry Rub  Plenty of Effin BBQ Sauce for dipping or for pulled pork sandwiches Effin Pulled Pork is proof that small miracles really can happen.  You walk out of the store with a piece of meat that has the cantankerous consistency of a bowling ball and when all is said and done, it’s possibly as close as you’ll come to oral ecstasy...as far as food goes.  Low and slow is the secret to coaxing the beauty queen out of this ugly pig.  PICKING YOUR PORK:  Look for a Pork Butt with a decent fat cap on one side.  Like the Brisket recipe, you need this fat cap to self baste the meat during the smoking process. DO YOU HAVE WOOD?   Whether you’re using wood chips or wood chunks you’ll need to soak them in a bucket of water 30 minutes before you plan to use them.  If you don’t, you’ll have a nice fire and not a lot of smoke.  That sorta defeats the purpose of smoking, doesn’t it?  As far as what wood to use…In Effin, Texas we use Oak or Hickory exclusively.  Some claim that using apple wood with Pork makes a difference – I guess my palate isn’t that discerning because I can’t taste the apple in apple wood smoke.  Some say Mesquite is the way to go…I will warn you that Mesquite makes for a very acidic smoke and can really turn an “Oh Wow!” BBQ moment into an “Oh, no…”.  There is such a thing as TOO much smoke flavor.  I avoid Mesquite when smoking for that reason. PREPARING YOUR MEAT:  Remove the Pork Shoulder from the fridge about 90 minutes to 2 hours before you plan to smoke it so it can warm up a bit.  The reason you do this is that stone cold Pork Shoulder takes much longer to cook.   Next, take the biggest fork you have and needle the hell out of it on all sides.  This will help with smoke penetration and also allow the oil and dry rub to penetrate and marinate the meat.  Following that, coat the entire Pork Shoulder with vegetable oil and rub in the dry rub until it is completely covered. PREPARING YOUR FIRE:   While the meat is soaking up the dry rub, get your fire going.  If using a smoker, set it up for a fire between 225 to 250 degrees.  If using a kettle grill or the like, it doesn’t take many briquettes to attain this temp.   We use a chimney starter and fill it maybe half full.  When the coals are good and ready, remove the grill grate and pile the coals on one side of the grill – in the next step, the Pork Shoulder will go on the other side, opposite of the coals.  This is the indirect heat method and it’s the only way to smoke using a grill.  Take some of the soaked wood, shake off the excess water and lay them directly on top of the hot coals, replace the grate and cover the grill.  TIME TO SMOKE:   When your grill thermometer says the temp is right (225-250), grab your Pork and place it on the grill grate FAT SIDE UP opposite the coals and cover the grill.  Make sure the vent holes in the top of the grill are wide open and over the side with the meat.    You might want to put a drip pan with about ½ inch of water in it underneath the grill grate to catch the fat drippings.  Check the temp. every hour and add new briquettes when it drops to near 225 degrees.  Add new wet wood chucks/chips when needed to keep it smoking.  After 4 hours you have achieved the necessary smoke penetration and the internal temp. should be approx. 155 degrees.  At this point remove the Pork and wrap it tightly in aluminum foil.  Now it’s all about sealing in the succulence of the Pork, the vegetable oil, the rub and smoke.  You can put it back in the grill/smoker, or take the easy way and finish it in a 225 degree preheated oven.  Make sure to place the Pork in a roasting pan so if the foil springs a leak, you won’t have juice all over the oven – trust me when I say that’s 3 miles of bad road you don’t want to travel with the Mrs.  It will take another 3 or 4 hours for the Pork Butt to finish up.  The Pork is done when you push on the foil and it doesn’t spring back or when you can pull out the shoulder bone easily without much resistance.  Be careful – that is one hot bone.  Place the Pork, roasting pan and all, on a cutting board and let her rest for 20 minutes.  Once thoroughly rested, remove the Butt from the foil, scrape off the fat cap and remove the bone if you haven’t already.  Next, you need to pull the pork into shreds.  You can do this by hand (again, hot!) or use two forks to shred it.  Once you’ve sufficiently pulled the pork, pile it high on a roll of your choosing – hamburger buns work fine - pour on the Effin Texas Apple Cider BBQ Sauce, pickles, cole slaw…whatever trips your trigger.  Add your favorite sides and enjoy!  Congrats you are now an expert at Pulling Pork!  Call a priest and be debriefed because you have just worked a miracle and your friends and family will never look at you the same way after this melt in your mouth experience.  Enjoy!   EFFIN TEXAS PORK SPARERIBS Ingredients:  2 Racks Spareribs (2 ½ - 3 Pounds) Feeds 4 people  ½ Cup BBQ Dry Rub ¼ Cup Lime Juice Plenty of Effin BBQ Sauce for dipping If Beef is King in Texas BBQ, one might say that Pork isQueen.  Every respectable pit boss or BBQ weekend warrior has to have a handle on good pork ribs.  They’re not as easy as you might think and require patience, finesse, time.. and few cold beers never hurt.  Here is a step-by-step guide to get you on the road to righteous ribs.     SELECTING YOUR PORK RIBS:  There is absolutely no sense in spending the time it will take to accomplish great ribs if you start with a thin, wimpy, bony excuse for a rack of ribs.  Take the time to get meaty ribs and watch for the “shiners” – the bones that are already sticking through the meat before you cook them.  All ribs are NOT created equal. DO YOU HAVE WOOD?   Whether you’re using wood chips or wood chunks you’ll need to soak them in a bucket of water 30 minutes before you plan to use them.  If you don’t, you’ll have a nice fire and not a lot of smoke.  That sorta defeats the purpose of smoking, doesn’t it?  As far as what wood to use…In Effin, Texas we use Oak or Hickory exclusively.  Some claim that using apple wood with Pork makes a difference – I guess my palate isn’t that discerning because I can’t taste the apple in apple wood smoke.  Some say Mesquite is the way to go…I will warn you that Mesquite makes for a very acidic smoke and can really turn an “Oh Wow!” BBQ moment into an “Oh, no…”.  There is such a thing as TOO much smoke flavor.  I avoid Mesquite when smoking for that reason. PREPARING YOUR MEAT:  Remove the Ribs from the fridge about 90 minutes before you plan to smoke them so it can warm up a bit.  The reason you do this is that stone cold Pork Ribs take longer to cook.   Next, you’ll need to remove the thin membrane that covers the BACK side of the ribs.  To do this, grab a dry paper towel and a paring knife.  Slide the knife between the membrane and the bone surface near the corner of the rack; leverage it up so the membrane becomes loose.  Continue this along a few of the adjacent ribs and then using the dry paper towel, grab the membrane and peel it off in one big sheet if possible.  This will help with smoke penetration, and allow the dry rub and lime juice to penetrate and marinate the meat.  Following that, coat the entire rack of ribs with lime juice and rub in the dry rub until they are completely covered on both sides. PREPARING YOUR FIRE:  While the meat is soaking up the dry rub, get your fire going.  If using a smoker, set it up for a fire between 200 to 225 degrees.  If using a kettle grill or the like, it doesn’t take many briquettes to attain this temp.   We use a chimney starter and fill it maybe half full.  When the coals are good and ready, remove the grill grate and pile the coals on one side of the grill – in the next step, the Pork Ribs will go on the other side, opposite of the coals.  This is the indirect heat method and it’s the only way to smoke using a grill.  Take some of the soaked wood, shake off the excess water and lay them directly on top of the hot coals, replace the grate and cover the grill.   TIME TO SMOKE:  When your grill thermometer says the temp is right (200-225), grab your Ribs and place them on the grill grate meat side up/bone side down opposite the coals and cover the grill.  Make sure the vent holes in the top of the grill are wide open and over the side with the meat.    You might want to put a drip pan with about ½ inch of water in it underneath the grill grate to catch the fat drippings – It all depends on how fatty your ribs are and how fussy your are about keeping your grill all shiny and new.  The way I look at it is, it’s not BBQ until you get some on you – the same goes for the grill.  Check the temp. every hour and add new briquettes when it drops to near 200 degrees.  Add new wet wood chucks/chips when needed to keep it smoking.  This will take approx. 4 hours if you’re doing it right – low and slow – and keeping the temp around 200 – 225.  You can tell when they’re done when the meat shrinks back from the tips of the ribs, the bone tears easily through the meat and they have a nice mahogany color to them.  Keep a close eye on them and make sure they don’t overcook.  All ribs are different and the fires/grills are too, so my 4 hours might 3 or 3 ½ to you.  The last 15 minutes they are in the smoker or grill, give them a healthy coating of Effin Texas Apple Cider BBQ sauce and then yank ‘em off and serve ‘em up.  Enjoy! TO MOP OR NOT TO MOP?   Like most things when it comes to BBQ there are differing opinions as to what is right and wrong.   Some say mop your ribs and some would go so far as to say mopping is sacrilegious.  I say mop those suckers and keep ‘em moist.  Here is a basic mop recipe for you – One cup apple cider vinegar, ½ cup water, ½ cup apple juice, 2 tablespoons Worcestershire Sauce, 2 tablespoons vegetable oil, 3 tablespoons BBQ dry rub, and ½ tablespoon of Effin Texas Roasted Jalapeno Honey Hot Sauce.  Mix all ingredients together, pop it in the microwave to warm it up and meld all the flavors and then using a BBQ mop or brush, gently mop it on your ribs every 30 minutes or so – or whenever they look a little thirsty.  The reason I emphasis being gentle is that you can easily wipe off the dry rub and that crust you’re trying to form on the ribs if you get a little heavy-handed with the mop….  And that just plain sucks.   Feel free to make this mop sauce your own by adding freshly chopped garlic, onions, mustard, etc.

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